Witty Quotes to Sharpen Your Cleverness

These witty quotes will give you a motivational push and a bit of humor. 

Tell us which witty quote is your favorite in the comment section below.

Having wit means you are intelligent but in a funny way!

What are the benefits of reading these witty quotes?

Developing witty characteristics certainly has its benefits:

• People like witty people more
• Wit makes you seem both smart and relatable
• Witty people are quick thinkers and can navigate many situations

Witty people put others at ease.

Therefore, people gravitate towards witty people and look at those with wit as leaders in their environment. 

There are many traits that a leader should have.

While inspirational, motivational, and charismatic are all traits that come to mind first, another important characteristic is the ability to be funny.

Leaders often need to lead others in stressful or unfavorable situations, and sometimes they have to deliver bad news.

A leader who cannot see the humor in life may appear harsh and may demotivate their team, whereas a leader who is witty may feel more trustworthy and, therefore, more capable.

See if these witty quotes strike your funny bone.

Also, check out our list of John Mulaney quotes that will remind you laughter is the best medicine.

Wise and witty quotes

1. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith

2. “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig

3. “A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire

4. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

5. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck

6. “A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson

7. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” – William Congreve

8. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell

9. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman

10. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” – Wayne Dyer

Funny witty quotes

11. “The important thing to remember is not to forget.” – Benny Bellamacina

12. “We tend to get what we expect.” – Norman Vincent Peale

13. “The world hates change yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” – Charles F. Kettering

14. “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” – Confucius

15. “Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken

16. “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein

17. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

18. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault

19. “The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” – Josh Lanyon

20. “When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.” – Xondra Day

Inspirational and witty quotes 

21. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

22. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

23. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

24. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

25. “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell

26. “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill

27. “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln

28. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

29. “A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’.” – Robert Heinlein

30. “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein

Also read these inspiring laughter quotes proving why it’s the best medicine.

Witty quotes about friendships and relationships

31. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

32. “Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe

33. “So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” – Holly Hood

34. “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” – John Foster Dulles

35. “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

36. “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns

37. “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen

38. “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet

39. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

40. “It’s far better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

If you’re enjoying this article, you might also like these colorful blue quotes that will delight your senses and spark creativity.

Motivational witty quotes

41. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

42. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James

43. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino

44. “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

45. “Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

46. “The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.” – Michaelangelo (See more Michaelangelo quotes)

47. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

48. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain

49. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball

50. “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” – Henry Ford

Don’t forget to check out these smile quotes to elevate your mood.

Other witty quotes and sayings

51. “A technicality I’m prepared to hide wildly behind.” – Jim Butcher

52. “I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.” – Charles de Gaulle

53. “It is safer to beg than to take, but it is finer to take than to beg.” – Oscar Wilde

54. “Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.” – Philip José Farmer

55. “My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.” – Lisa Kleypas

Witty quotes about humor, fools, and other situations

56. “Wit is the lowest form of humor.” — Alexander Pope

57. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” — Doris M. Smith

58. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” — William Shakespeare

59. “Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.” — Stan Laurel

60. “Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” — Enid Blyton

61. “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and our wit more handy.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

62. “Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.” — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

63. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead

64. “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” — Otto von Bismark

65. “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” — Robert Benchley

Witty quotes about wit

66. “Your wit makes others witty.” — Catherine the Great

67. “Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” — Francis Bacon

68. “A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.” — George Meredith

69. “You can pretend to be serious; but you can’t pretend to be witty.” — Sacha Guitry

70. “A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.” — Christian Louboutin

71. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” — William Congreve

72. “A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.” — Cyrano de Bergerac

73. “Though lust do masque in ne’er so strange disguise she’s oft found witty, but is never wise.” — John Webster

74. “Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.” — Antoine Rivarol

75. “Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.” — Thomas Hobbes

Witty quotes applicable to life

76. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.”  – Oliver Goldsmith

77. “You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.”  – L.M. Montgomery 

78. “Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.”  – Burt Reynolds

79. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

80. “An intellectual solves a problem. A genius avoids it.” – Albert Einstein

81. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.” – Bill Cosby

82. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”  – Groucho Marx

83. “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali

84. “Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it’s always, who’s responsible for this?”  – Jerry Seinfeld

85. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.“ – Flip Wilson

Witty quotes and sayings that you can relate to

86. “The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
― Albert Camus

87. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” ― Criss Jami

88. “This is the fast lane, folks…and some of us like it here.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

89. “If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” ― Amit Kalantri

90. “Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.” ― Honore de Balzac

91. “Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.” ― Robert A. Heinlein

92. “I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” ― Suzanne Wright

93. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ― Bertrand Russell

94. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” ― Bertrand Russell

95. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ― Dorothy Parker

Short witty quotes

96. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” – Phyllis Diller

97. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

98. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

99. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins

100. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter

101. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball

102. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

103. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin

104. “The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth.” – Ryan Cooper

105. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley

Witty quotes for Instagram

106. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

107. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott

108. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

109. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

110. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

111. “I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” – Steven Wright

112. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried

113. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

114. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

115. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres

Short Witty Quotes That Will Put a Smile on Your Face

116. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ― Mark Twain

117. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” ― Dalai Lama

118. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ― Groucho Marx

119. “We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.” ― Samuel Beckett

120. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Fred Allen

121. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ― Sam Levenson

122. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant

123. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ― John Wayne

124. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” ― Bryan White

125. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” ― Steven Wright

Which witty quote was your favorite?

There are many benefits to fine-tuning your witty talent.

Beyond making you likable and trustworthy, wittiness strengthens your intelligence and helps you be more creative.

Being put on the spot to come up with witty banter will make your brain work harder and therefore make you more capable during stressful moments. 

Hopefully, these witty quotes help spark the wit in you.

Come back to these quotes whenever you’re looking for a motivational push and a bit of humor. 

Did you enjoy these witty quotes and sayings?

Do you have a witty quote you would like to share?

Let us know in the comment section below.  

October 28, 2022 5:00 AM EST